4am now.
lots of thoughts.
kinda difficult time for me now.
first is abt my studies.
i really need to do something abt it.
second is abt mf.
im made my decision alr.
but its not the team that pulling me back.
rather abt people.
rather abt its future.
i cant do much even if i stayed on.
it'll only shorten my life.lol
but another part of me will think of ...
another part of me will tell me its my fault shud anything go wrong next time.
its like an unifinished business.
but its not worth fighting for anymore.
ive had enough trying to make things seemed worthy.
ive had enough trying to be someone im not.
ive had enough trying to be ppl's fren.
and times and time again been taken for granted.
its all the bullshit and all that clouds my vision of the future.
i cant see my future anymore with mf.
too weak to hold on?
or strong enough to let go?
i saw the video on facebook.
'im now,facedown on this table.how am i going to get up?
i have no limbs,no hands,no legs. what will happen if i try and try and try?for a thousand times?wad if i try for a thousand times and i give up?i'd forever be facing down.what happens if i try a thousand times and continue trying?id get up.It's not the end, it matters how you're gonna finish. Are you gonna finish strong"
so wad now?
ive made my decision to leave.
but how am i going to leave this behind?
ive had blood and sweat in this.
ive found love.though it didnt find me.(lol)
ive had all my poly life in this.
its like restarting poly life again.
will i find a place i call home again?
sometimes i wonder.
am i too weak minded?
but why shud i take all this shit?
isnt my cca supposed to be something i enjoy and keep me sane from my work?
but now its like my work is keeping me sane from trainings.
i hate the way i go to training and get shit.
every training diff shit,even better still.
bby asked me. "huhh.but you're the captain?i mean you did so much and achieved so much only to leave? and wads gg to happen to your xxx ? and haven cl been smth you like?"
im the captain.
but i dont wan to be one that cannot lead the team to heights.
if i dont have a team that will let me lead.
i cannot do my job.
yes i did alot.
i achieved alot.
but i endured my fair share.
i dont feel like leaving either.
but the odds are pretty much against me.
its easy for ppl to stay of course.
they enjoy.
they fight tgt.
but me?
abt xxx.
aiya we go way back.
kinda.
so way back that im amazed how stupidly i liked her for so long and nvr said anything totally like a guy with no balls.so yah..
done.lol
yes i love cl.
but idk.
i think my time with mf is up.
ill miss everybody.
well perhaps not everybody. =\
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::JAYBEOM::
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pieces of life | |
